I am over 30 years and I have not married yet. I always ask Allaah to bless me with a righteous husband who helps me religiously and in life. I am sure that Allaah will answer my prayer soon insha Allaah.
My problem is that I feel that every act of worship I do is being done for the sake of answering my prayer. I fast because the dua of a fasting person will be answered, I pray late at night because making duaa while praying late at night is accepted, I pray the sunanh so that I become closer to Allaah that He accepts my duaa.
In brief; I feel that all my worship is not purely for the sake of Allaah, and this feeling suffocates me. What shall I do?
Another thing is I am very tired because of remaining unmarried, I keep asking Allaah knowing that He is the Most Generous, Most Bounteous, but I fear my sins, I fear my dua is not being answered because of my sins, what shall I do? Please advise me and make dua for me.
Answer
Praise be to Allaah, First of all, before answering this question I would like to point out that all matters are in the hands of Allaah; no benefit comes and no harm is warded off except by His help. The One Who relieves distress is Allaah, so if anything befalls a person he must turn to Allaah and beseech Him and call upon Him, whether that has to do with attaining something desired or removing something disliked.
Let The Slave Turn To Allaah
Allaah says: And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allaah. Then, when harm touches you, unto Him you cry aloud for help" (Q16[al-Nah!] :53).
Also, He says;
"Is not He (better than your gods) Who responds to the distressed one, when he calls on Him, and Who removes the evil, and makes you inheritors of the earth, generations after generatiqns? Is there any ilaah (god) with Allaah? Little is that you remember!" (Q2 7[al-Naml] :62)
Allaah is the One to Whom the slave turns. When a person turns to Him with sincerity and humility, acknowledging his need for Him, and his food, drink, clothing and shelter are all good (i.e. from halaal sources), then he may expect Allaah to respond. This applies to all kinds of du'aa, Then we should note that if a person calls upon Allaah and He does not respond, then either Allaah is storing that up for him [for the Hereafter], or He is warding off from him some evil that is greater than what was asked for. But he should not despair and give up calling upon Allaah, for Allaah loves those who persist in du'aa' and who await His response with certain faith.
For Allaah says:
"And when My slaves ask you (0 Muhammad) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor)" ( Q2[al - Baqarah ]:186)
Pray At The Times Of Response
He should seek out the times when prayer is answered. One of these times is the last third of the night. The Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "Our Lord descends to the lowest heaven when there is one third of the night left, and He says:
"Who will call upon Me, that I may answer? Who will ask of Me, that I may give to him? Who will seek My forgiveness, that I may forgive him? until the dawn comes." (Bukhaari)
Similarly: "The last hour of Friday, there is no Muslim slave who stands and prays and calls upon Allaah at that time, but Allaah will grant that to him." (Muslim) Or from the time when the imaam comes out on Friday until the prayer ends. Another of these times is the interval between the adhaan and iqaamah, as the Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"Du'aa' made between the adhaan and iqaamah will not be refused." (Tirmidhi).
Among the situations (when du'aa' is answered) is when a person is prostrating. The Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"With regard to sujood, offer lots of du'aa' then, for it is more likely that you will receive a response." (Muslim).
Another occasion is after saying the final tashahhud (in prayer) and before saying the salaam. The Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) said,
"Then let him say whatever du'aa' he wants." (Bukhaari)
Seek More Patience & Better Reward
With regard to the answer to this particular question, this woman has to have patience and seek reward with Allaah. She should realize that all matters are in the hand of Allaah and that the delay in getting married may be better for her and it may ultimately lead to something good that A1laah has prepared for her. She should be optimistic and expect good things to happen.
If you feel some distress or waswaas (insinuating whispers from the Shaytaan), then increase your dhikr (remembrance of Allaah), seek refuge in Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan, and focus on worship and other good deeds, until your distress is eased.
Also, pray the well known du'aa for relief of anxiety and distress (Allaahumma inni 'abduka ibnu 'abdika ibnu 'amatika, naasiyati bi yadika maadin fiyya hukmuka (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave and son of Your maidservant. My forelock is in Your hand. Your command over me is forever executed ... )
A woman should say,
Allaahumma inni amatuka bintu 'abdika bintu amatika naasiyati bi yadika maadin fiyya hukmuka, 'adlun fiyya qadaa'uka. As'aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw 'allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista'thotta bihi fi 'ilm iI-ghaybi 'indaka an taj'al al-Qur'aan al- 'azeem rabee 'a qalbi, wa noora sadri wa jalaa'a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi. (O Allaah, I am Your maidservant, daughter of Your slave, daughter of Your maidservant. My forelock is in Your hand. You command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You have taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Noble Qur'aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)." (Ahmad).
Allaah Is The Source Of Strength
And there are other du'aa's which have been narrated from the Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam). This will relieve you of the distress and anxiety that you are suffering. We ask Allaah to keep you and us safe and sound. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, says:
«it may be that you dislike a thing and A1laah brings through it a great deal of good" (Q4[al-Nisa' ]:19)
also He says;
"and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know" (Q2[al-Baqarah]:216).
“Pens Have Been Lifted ... "
It was narrated that Ibn 'Abbaas said: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allaah (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) one day and he said:
"O boy, I shall teach you some words. Be mindful Allaah and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and He will protect you. If you ask then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way, they would not benefit you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they would not harm you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. (At-Tirmidhi).
You should note that what you have to do is to be content with your situation and realize that what Allaah has chosen for you is the best, and you missing out on something may be a good thing.
Do not let the whispers, of the accursed Shaytaan affect you and lead you every which way. Rather you should be as our Lord likes you to be, and accept His decree and thank Him for His blessings. Ponder the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and do not worry. Keep yourself busy with worship of Allaah and make a program for yourself so that you can wake up for Fajr prayer and then read Qur'aan and adkhaar and du'aas. Attend lectures and reminders and Islamic conferences. Through this program you will be able to relax and find peace of mind.
“How Wonderful ... "
Always comfort yourself with the words of the Messenger of Allaah (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam)
"How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives, thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer. “(Muslim).
Be kind to yourself, and remember that there are millions of women like you who are not married, but many of them may be happier than many of those who are married. May Allaah open your heart to contentment with His decree and give you peace of mind about your situation, and fill your heart with happiness. You are better off than many others!
Does your sorrow at not being married increase when you see a woman and her husband and children going on a trip? Does this remind you that you are alone and without a husband and children? Does it make you feel that you have been wronged, or that you are unfortunate, or that you are deprived? Wait a minute, do not let these negative feelings and frustrations prevail over you and increase your sense of sadness and sorrow.
"Perhaps If You Saw ...”
You have seen only one aspect of this family's life, but there are many other aspects that you have not seen. Perhaps if you saw the wife who has a hard-hearted husband who shows no compassion, and you heard her complaints about her continual suffering with him, you would praise Allaah for saving you from marriage.
If you sat with a divorced woman who laments her fate and says that she regrets having married, and you listened to her as she complains about how much she put up with and how much she suffered until she got her divorce, and regained her sense of security, perhaps you will praise Allaah for not having got married and suffered what she has suffered.
If you thought about what thousands of wives are suffering and what many others whose marriages ended in divorce have had to put up with, this will reduce many of the feelings of regret that you have because of not being married. This way of thinking will dispel your feeling of having been hard done by, and will replace those feelings with a beautiful sense of contentment, which will earn you the pleasure of Allaah. Remember your friend's complaints about her husband yelling and being angry all the time, and how you have been saved from that. Remember your neighbour who left her home weeping after her husband beat her and hurt her.
A Story To Share
[And here is a story to share] "I have reached my forties and am not married, and I praise Allaah for everything that He has decreed for me. At first I felt sad and upset whenever I was alone, and I regretted my misfortune every time one of my friends got married. I did not have any conditions or specific characteristics in the man I wanted to marry; I was prepared to accept any righteous man. But years went by without this man coming to me.
I began to withdraw from people so that I would not see their looks of pity but I could not escape them completely, because I would see them in the eyes of my parents and siblings who would pray for me every time they saw me.
One day at the end of Sha'baan, as we were preparing for the blessed month of Ramadaan, Allaah guided me to keep a Mushaf just for myself. I decided to read the whole Qur'aan and I found it very difficult to read it because I had stopped reading for the last ten years. I also found it difficult to understand some verses, so I bought a book of Tafseer (commentary) and I started to read it so that I could understand the verses of Qur'aan that I was reading. Ramadaan ended but my attachment to the Book of Allaah did not stop; I carried on reading the verses of Allaah and reading the commentary there on.
"Then came the day when I read the verse in Soorat al-Kahf:
"Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope (Q18[al-Kahf]:46).
I wondered, what does the good righteous deeds that last' mean? I found in the Tafseer that it refers to all righteous deeds.
[So] I fell in love with righteous deeds such as prayer, fasting, charity, tasbeeh, tahmeed, tahleel and takbeer. Happiness began to fill my heart and I became content. I praised Allaah greatly for guiding me to this path and teaching me these things. But this is not a call for monasticism, rather it is a call to accept the will and decree of Allaah." [Sister Umm Yamaan in Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakinSa'eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/4-7 by Muhammad Rasheed a1-'Uwayd].
Be A True Slave Of Allaah
But every girl should understand that the purpose of life is to be a true slave of Allaah in both the specific and general senses. If she has the opportunity to establish a Muslim household, then the girl will be worshipping Allaah by getting married and raising children, and raising for us the generation that we want.
But if that does not happen, then the ways of worshipping Allaah in general are many, foremost among which is calling people to Allaah. So she should focus on women who have deviated from the path of Allaah and take them as her daughters and guide them to the straight path of Allaah.
The one who calls people to guidance will have a reward equal to theirs, without it detracting from their reward in the slightest. So regard the Muslim community as your home, and be like a beacon of guidance, truth, justice and knowledge, and let us advise one another to adhere to truth and patience.
"Surely,' Allaah wastes not the reward of the Muhsinoon [those who do good]" (Q9 [At-Tawbah]:120).
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa'eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/12 by Muhammad Rasheed al-'Uwayd.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited