Reactions to divorce vary from one individual to another depending on the experience that led to it in the first place. Sometimes, both parties are remorseful wishing that the statement of At-Talaaq [divorce] was never pronounced. In this case, the couples are encouraged and given the opportunity, through the ‘Iddah, to rectify their mistakes, repeal their action, reconcile and resume marital relationship. The Talaaq, will therefore be a means of correcting the wrongs in a marriage. This is an important Hikmah [wisdom] behind the ‘Iddah which is a period of waiting after the pronouncement of divorces.
Duration of the ‘Iddah: A divorced woman shall remain in ‘Iddah for a period of three menstrual cycles after divorce as Allaah as commanded:
"Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods."(Q2 [Baqaroh]:228)
it is not permissible for a divorced woman to conceal her pregnancy from her husband:
"nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah has created In their womb if their have faith in Allaah and the Last Day.” (Q2 [Baqarah]: 238).
if it is however confirmed that she is pregnant her ‘lddah last until she gives birth.
Maintenance During the 'Iddah: As long as the divorce is revocable, then the divorced woman who is doing 'Iddah is still entitle to full maintenance by her husband. She has the same rights of feeding, clothing, lodging and good conduct according to the means of the husband. Allaah says:
“And for divorced women, maintenance (should be provided)on reasonable (scale)" (Q2[8aqarah]:241)
If she is carrying a pregnancy or nursing a baby she is even more entitled to it. Allaah says:
"If they (women in 'Iddah) carry (life in their wombs) then spend (your substance) on them until they deliver their burden: and if they suckle your (offspring) give them their recompense…” (Q65[Talaq]:6)
Where the divorce is irrevocable, then the woman is not entitled to maintenance according to one of the two scholarly opinions. Fatimah bint Qays (RA) narrated that Abu Amr Ibn Hafs (RA) divorced her irrevocably when he was away from home, and he sent his agent to her with some barley. She was displeased with-him and when he said: 'I swear by Allah that you have no claim on us;' she went to Allaah's Messenger (sallaallaahu alayhi wa sallam) and mentioned that to him. He said: "There is no maintenance due to you from him,” and he commanded her to spend the 'Iddah in the house of Umm Shari'k (RA), but then said:
''That is a woman whom my Companions visit. So you had better spend this period in the house of Ibn Umm Maktum, for he is a blind man and you can take off your garments. And when the ‘Iddah is over, inform me. (Muslim)
However, it is also strongly held that the wife should be maintained even in the case of irrevocable divorce. This is the best kind of good treatment and noble good manners, because in such cases the woman is likely to be broken-hearted and usually has little wealth of her own. Allaah says:
“… and turn them not out of their [husband’s] homes nor shall they [themselves] leave, except in case of some open illegal sexual intercourse…” (Q65 [At-Talaaq]: 1)
Umar Ibn Mas’ud and ‘Aisha (RA) are prominent companions who hold that this verse is general and equally apply to the irrevocably divorced woman. They hold that the above ruling is specific to Fatima bint Qais because she said:
‘I am afraid that I may be put to hardship…” (Muslim)
what adds strength to this position is that if a pregnant woman is divorced irrevocably, she is still entitled to maintenance until she delivers the baby.
Needs in ‘Iddah: a woman in ‘Iddah should stay in her husband’s house, however she is free to go out for her needs. Jabir Ibn Abdullaah (RA) narrated: “my maternal aunt was divorced, and she intended to pluck her dates. A person scolded her for having come out (during the period of ‘Iddah). She came to the prophet (sallaallaahu alayhi wa sallam) and he said:
“certainly you can pluck (dates) from your palm trees, for perhaps you may give charity, or do an act of kindness.” (Muslim)
Custody of the Children: One of the most contentious issues in a divorce is the custody of the children. This is a settled matter. If the child is still very young, they should remain with their mother as long as she does not marry another man. Abdullah ibn Amr (RA)narrated that a woman said, "O Allaah's Messenger, I carried my son in my womb suckled him my breasts and held him on my lap, yet his father Lias divorced me and wants to take him away from me." The Prophet (sallaallaahu alayhi wa sallam) replied her:
"You have more right to him as long as you do not marry."(Ahmad)
However, if the child has reached the age of Tamyeez (discerning and understanding, usually put at age 10), he is to be asked to choose between his father and his mother. Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that a woman said, “O Allaah's Messenger, my husband wants to take away my son, yet he has availed me and provided me with drinking water from Abu ‘Inaba's well" Then her husband came and the Prophet(sallaallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"Lad this is your father and this is your mother, so take whoever of them you wish by the hand. "He took his mother's hand and she went off with him. (Ahmad)
However, if the mother is a non-Muslim (Kafir), the preference is for the father due to his Islaam. Rafi' Bin Sinan (RA) narrated that he accepted Islaam but his wife did not. The Prophet (sallaallaahu alayhiwa sallam) then sat the mother to a side and the father to another side and made the son sit in between them. He (the son) then inclined to his mother, the prophet (sallaallaahu alayhiwa sallam) then said:
"O Allaah give him guidance." Then he inclined to his father and hetook him away. (Abu Dawud)
It is thus dear from this hadith that the preference of the Rasul (sallaallaahu alayhi wa sallam) was for the father because of Islaam even though the child inclined at first to the Kafir mother.
Remarriage: Allaah says:
"If you dislike them it maybe that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good." (Q4 [Nisaa]: 19)
The fact that you divorced does mean that you are destroyed! If your marriage has failed, it does not make you a failure. That you are now alone does not mean that you should live the rest of your life atone and lonely. That this particular marriage has not worked does not mean that the next one will not be a roaring success. Let all realize that the fact that a woman is divorced does not presuppose that she is evil for a home nor that the divorce was all her fault nor of the man by any stretch of imagination. Both spouses may be victims of circumstances that were difficult for them to manage, let us change our attitude and remove the stigma tag 'divorcee' from them[especially the women] and hasten to take away their grief and loneliness.
Divorces are not new, they occurred in the society of the Companions and they were, without any doubt, the best generation of all mankind! And the Companions hastened to marry the ‘divorce’ for they desired to give them succour and not to pour scorn on them. Take the case of Fatima bint Qais (RA) cited above who said," Allaah's Messenger said to me: 'When your period of 'Iddah is over inform me'. So I informed him [by that time] Mu'awiya, Abu Jahm and Usama ibn Zaid (RA) had given her the proposal of marriage. Allaah's Messenger said:
'So far as Mu'awiya is concerned, he is a poor man without any property. So far as Abu Jahm is concerned, he is a great beater of women, but Usama ibn Zaid...' She pointed with her hand [that she did not approve of the idea of marrying] Usama. But Allaah’s Messenger said: ‘Obedience to Allaah and obedience to His Messenger is better for you' She said: 'So I married him and became the object of envy… and Allaah honoured me on the account of ibn Zaid and Allaah favoured me because of him." (Muslim)
A divorced woman would even be preferred in certain cases because of her experience of managing a home as well as coping with marital crises: Jabir ibn Abdullaah (RA)narrated, “My father died and left, seven or nine girls and I married a matron. Allaah’s Messenger said to me, “O Jabir! Have you married?” I said, “yes.” He said, “A virgin or a matron?” I replied, “A matron.” He said, “why not a virgin, so that you might play with her and she with you, and you might amuse her and she amuse you." I said, "Abdullah (my father) died and left girls, and I dislike to marry a girl like-them, so I married a matron so that she may look after them." On that he said."May Allah bless you, "or "That is good” (Bukhari)
In remarrying however, no man or woman should engage in Nikkah Tahleel. A woman who has been divorced irrevocably cannot go back to her former husband until she is genuinely married and divorced by another man. Ibn Umar (RA) reported: "A man divorced his wife three times. Another man then married her, closed the door and dropped the curtains (i.e. had full privacy with her), but divorced her without performing intercourse with her. Would that make her permissible to the first husband?" The Prophet (sallaallaahu alayhi wa sallam) replied:
"She does not become permissible until the second performs intercourse with her.” (Nasai)
And the Prophet (sallaallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
“may Allaah curse the one who performs Tahleel and the one for whom it is performed." (Ibn Majah)
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited