"The age of a boy is known by the price of his toys." We smile knowingly at that quip, but sadly, the underlying truth is not so amusing. Our society has raised a generation overwhelmed with childish men. Men who have never learned to put away childish stuffs.
Materialism, aggression and a win at all cost attitude are lauded, while integrity, meekness, and responsibility among men are often ridiculed. Is it ever possible then, to raise boys who can know right from wrong? Boys who have the courage to become righteous men?
All things are possible insha Allaah! But it will take a few good men and women-like you. We must begin a shift back to the days when noble ideals like integrity, courage, and responsibility were the highest goals. It will begin one boy at a time, starting with your family. So whether you're still changing your son's diapers, or hollering at him not to break the glass with his ball, pay close attention to this encouragement: Allaah does not command without giving the ability to carry out the command.
Today, our public schools and halls of higher learning are barraging our sons and daughters with secular ideas. They are compelled to believe that all ideas are equally valid and valuable though they are only a teenagers. Prophet Yuusuf became one of the finest examples of godly manhood. Through the examples of his life, we can gain helpful leverage to counteract today's societal pull and grow strong men of faith.
Help your son decide his convictions before He faces the choices
Your teenage boy stands by the keg of beer at his friend's party. Will he drink? When Yuusuf was facedwith the temptation of soiling himself with an adulterous relationship with his master's wife, with the help of Allaah, he determined not to succumb to this insinuation of Shaytaan.
The-choice required courage (as it would for your son to say no to alcohol amid peer pressure), but it was not difficult, because it was a choice he had already made. As a parent help your son decide what his convictions are before temptation grabs him. Many parents avoid discussing issues of sexual purity or drugs because they are embarrassed or fear they might stimulate undue interest.
Some question whether their preteen is mature enough. Whatever be the case, be careful NOT to wait until the hormone hurricane hits to discuss certain issues with your son on how to relate to girls, for example. Talk about boy/girl relationships before he is interested, before his hormones have gone haywire. Then guide your son with the Qur'an towards establishing right convictions on his own. He cannot stand up for his convictions in the face of temptation if he hasn't determined what they are. Now he is outfitted to face peer pressure and the choices it brings.
Teach your son never to underestimate the importance of his choices
Not only should y.ou teach your son to determine his convictions, but also to understand the impact of the choices he makes. Each choice your child makes is a step into his future - in one direction or the other. Don t let him underestimate the life changing impact of each one. You can teach him this by discussing examples from the Qur'an. Or by offering clear examples from your own life of how one choice affected your freedom to make some choices independently, don't hesitate to step in and help. Perhaps the most difficult choice of all, have the parental courage to say no to situation that may prove harmful.
Train your son to determine the risk factor in every situation
The aggressive, more volatile nature of boys explains, in part, their risk-taking behaviour. Unfortunately, analyzing those risks is seldom part of a boy's thought process. "wow, look at that tall tree" a boy says. I'll climb to the top!" does he calculate the force of his weight against the weight bearing capacity of the branches or the velocity of his fall to the ground below? Not likely. And with the boys, even accidents are not always deterrents. Many a cast-wearing boy can be seen dangling from tree branches.
Here's the point: train your son to understand that most situations involve risk. Some are physical. Some are emotional. Determining the risk factor of every situation will help your son avoid trouble and become a man of righteous character. Practically speaking, develop with him a risk factor checklist. Then encourage him to use it with every choice.
Show your son how to depend upon Allaah every day
The world can be a frightening place. Peer pressure is intense and painfully real. And while you can't follow your son all day, Allaah is with him wherever he is. Therefore, teach your child how to consistently depend on Him.
Understanding Allaah's omnipresence will give your son unmatched strength and courage. Teaching such an abstract principle may seem difficult, but there are many ways to begin achieving this goal. From a young age, train your son to develop a personal quiet time with Allaah reciting the Book of Allaah. Teach him to be consistent even when he doesn't feel like it. Then, slowly remove yourself from the process over time. Also, model the importance of communicating with Allaah through salaat and supplication. Finally, encourage your son to write down some of his own choices along with the outcomes.
Motivate your son to declare his decision with courage
Part of "field testing" one's convictions involves declaring them with courage to the world. Communicate this to your son by role playing potential scenarios involving peer pressure and decision making. Then help him formulate specific responses for saying no to bad situations. One teenager suggested using this response "Great? I'm supposed to do something with my Qur'an teacher today. Can he come too?" the goal should be to remain consistent, while influencing others in a positive way.
Encourage your son to develop friends who will stand with him
Nothing can bring strength and courage like Allaah's presence. However, there are many illustrations of friendships that bolstered courage the ashaab al-Kahf (Q 18) and Prophet Muhammad (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) and AbuBakr (RA). Studies show that with just one person on your side, you are more likely to stand for your convictions. As a
parent the most important thing you can do is pray about your child's friends. Then, as he chooses friendships, encourage him to look for the kinds of qualities Allaah would admire. Use those qualities as a checklist. Loyalty, integrity, and high moral standards area few that should make the list. There is strength in number. Even if the number is only two. So encourage your son to develop friends who are willing to stand with him and be counted for Allaah's cause.
Finally, the most effective way to raise a courageous son is to be courageous yourself. We all know what we tell our son has little impact when we ourselves live timidly for Allaah's cause. Being a parent is no easy task, but Allaah is with you. Prostrate to Him in prayer and ask him to make you the kind of Muslim that compels your son to stand up for Allaah, even when the time comes for him to stand alone. If you live your life boldly for Allaah, your son will notice, he will remember, and with Allaah's guidance, he will follow your example.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited