When dealing with others, a Muslim invariably confronts situations where he is verbally abused or derided. If he is living among non-Muslims, he might sometimes be confronted by a situation where a non-Muslim abuses his honour, that of other Muslims, or even the honour of Islaam, with foul and unsavoury language. The question arises as to whether it is suitable for a Muslim to reply back in a similar fashion to defend Islaam and the Muslims. Would he be sinning if he were to use similar foul language against the non-Muslims? It is not fitting for the Muslims to use foul language.
This is inappropriate behaviour to stoop to, regardless of who starts it, even if the one who initiates it is a non-Muslim. Our good example in this and in all matters is our Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam). The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) was the best of those who ever called people to Allaah. We must emulate his conduct in the way we deal with non-Muslims. He had been tormented and abused by the unbelievers. They scorned him and made him an object of ridicule. Ultimately, they expelled him from his homeland. Nonetheless, he remained in his conduct a blessing for all living things.
A Jewish man once greeted the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) by saying: "Death be upon you." He used the Arabic word saam, meaning death, in a parody of the Islamic greeting for peace which is the word salaam. Though the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) knew exactly what the man had said, he paid it no heed and he gently replied: "And upon you." He did so without repeating the misused word "saam" and behaved as if he had not noticed it.
However, "Aishah (RA), who had also heard what the man really said, immediately retorted: "And death be upon you and a curse as well!" The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "Take it easy, Aishah. Allaah loves kindness in everything." In another narration of the story, it is related that he also said: "Beware of coarseness and indecency." Aishah complained to the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) saying: "Didnt you hear what they said?" The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) replied: "Did you not hear my reply? I responded to their offensive supplication. My supplication will be answered by Allaah while their supplication against me will not be answered." (Bukhari and Muslim)
Some of the Companions once asked the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) to pray to Allaah to invoke His curse upon the pagans.He replied: "I was not sent to curse people but as a blessing. (Muslim) Also, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sailam) said: "It is not fitting for a sincere lover of truth to invoke curses." (Muslim) And he said: "A believer should not invoke curses." (Tirmidhi with authentic line of transmission] Apart from maintaining a strong faith, a Muslim also has to maintain a good character. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, "Modesty and faith are twins. One who gives up one has to lose the other too."
A Muslim should refrain from being ill-mannered and immodest. When a Muslim has strong faith, his/her character will also be strong. This is how the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) himself was. Allaah commends him, saying, "It is from the Mercy of Allaah that you were gentle with them. Were you harsh and hardhearted they would indeed have fled from you." [Q3 [Aal-lmraan]:159) The underlying respect of others, even those one differs or disagrees with, is affirmed in the divine command in the second part of this very verse, "So overlook their errors, seek forgiveness for them, and consult them regarding matters." (Q3[aal-lmraan]:15)
Coarseness within communities leads to disunity and discord (fitna), as people "flee from each other," to use the Quranic metaphor above. The Prophetic example entails that we differ with respect for the other party. We should see the good in them; consider the points and issues of commonality, and not merely those of differences; and always assume that they, too, are sincerely seeking the truth. And then when we act or speak in matters or situations where there is disagreement or difference-whatever it may be and whomever it may be with we should stop and consider: how would the Messenger of Allaah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) have acted in this situation? If we reflect on his example, we cannot possibly imagine him acting with other than excellence, mercy, and gentleness in any situation or with anyone.
Three Conditions to Acquire Excellent Manners According to Imaam ibn Qayyim, such excellent character cannot be attained without three conditions:
1. The foundation must be good. If one has a rough and dry nature, it will be hard for him to submit to this [excellence of character] through knowledge, will, or practice. On the other hand, a mild and smooth nature willl be ready and willing to receive the plowing and the seeds [to prepare it for character excellence].
2. The soul must be strong and capable of conquering calls of laziness, transgression, and desire. Those matters contradict perfection, and souls which cannot defeat them will always be defeated and conquered.
3. [One must possess] a discerning knowledge of the truth of matters, enabling one to put them in the rightful position, and to distinguish between flash and cancer - between glass and jewels. If these three qualities are present in a man, and Allaahs facilitation helps him,then he will be among those whom the best (husnaa) has been decreed and for whom Allaahs care has been secured.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited