Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allaah be upon Muhammad, His last Messenger his household, his companions and all those who follow him till the Last day. As the cover shows, we focus on infertility or more subtly childlessness in marriages in this edition. Nothing prepares anyone to accept childlessness as normal just as no one can feel the depth of pain and anguish that the childless couple feels.That is why we cede this page to run again, thetrue-life experience of someone in search of a child.May Allah grant us benefit from this experience and may He provide succuor for all those in search of pleasure(s) of their eyes. Aamin. "O Allaah! What about me...!" Infertility! Hmmm, that word, so easy to pronounce, yet very difficult to swallow. Such a lonely word, such an experience when one marries, you are optimistic that you will insha Allaah fulfill the Prophet's (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) saying "marry and multiply so that I will be proud of you on the day of Judgement."
One year of marriage, nothing! Second year, you start to panic, if you aren't already panicky. You rake through as many hospitals and doctors as you can afford.vI started off with going all the way to Ibadan to see a specialist. I had appointments of at least once a month. My husband and I then decide to find an obstetrics and gynecology hospital in Victoria Island.That was still something since we lived in the outskirts of Lagos and public transportation was a major means of transportation at the time. You literally become gynecology students You are told how the body works, some information you find out yourself. You are interviewed and required to take tests to determine whether there is a problem and what it maybe. You literally become gynecology students! You go through hormone analysis to determine hormone levels and give a general picture of your hormone function, to determine the status of the uterus and tubes. Once I had this done in a highbrow laboratory in Victoria Island during Ramadan. By the time the female doctor had finished the procedure and was being tidied up I just fell apart and cried my heart out. I was still drowsy from the anesthesia but the pain in my hear was fully awake and raw, wondering when and how it will end. I was thankful to have had sympathetic nurses attending to me. Tests done, medication commences, consisting of fertility tablets, which were expensive. Hopes were high. However everytime the period arrives,becomes a time of terrible disappointment and dashed hopes as all the efforts you put in that month come crashing down. A mourning period! You on your own or through the urgings of others seek help though other "spiritual sources" (Mallams,prayer groups and homes, churches etc) depending on your level of eemaan (faith). At this point you become easy to persuade.
The Trip To Mallam and Rubutu
I was once taken to see a Mallam. I had reservations about going there however, I was assured that the man was not occultic. "He uses the Islamic way", l was told. l was persuaded, partly because of desperation and partly not to offend the lady after she had put in so much effort to arrange the meeting. By the time we got there, the lady told the man about my reservations, he promptly informed me that during the time of the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam), some sahabahs used "rubutu" (Arabic writings washed into water and usually drunk to solve their problems. I didnt know better so I didn't argue. We went into some sort of consultation room. The first thing I saw was a "laya" (a talisman) discretely tucked away with some containers. Doubt number one cast! I sat down and noticed the room was rather dirty and unkempt for a Muslim and his activities. Doubt number two cast. I still went along. At the end he prescribed "rubutu" and assured me I'd soon be having a child. At the time I got to this stage, Allaah brought me in contact with a book on Tawhid. My attention was focused on the chapters on "fortune telling". It helped me realize some of these "consultations" bordered on shirk and disbelief. Three years and counting by year three, you say okay, my lslam is getting better, alhamdulillah. Let's try alternatlve medicine. You go through all kinds of procedures, drink all kinds of herb teas, do some fasts among others. All that done, nothing! I went through these and by day two of a twenty-eight day fruitfast. l was so sapped of, energy, I could hardly stand up from bed even to say Salat! I wondered why I would not fast and pray to Allaah until my feet hurt. My romance with that kind of altemative medicine went through the window. The loneliness and emptinessih my heart, life and home remained. It seemed everywhere I turned was a pregnant female, human and animal! Beggars, even mad women! I once saw a thirteen-year-old carrying a huge one! wondered "O Allaah, what about me?" You get to a stage that you are tired of it all; you decide to settle for a hospital/doctor. I settled for a doctor in Ikeja. I still lived on the outskirts of Lagos. I had to go through all those tests all over again. I was placed on a different fertility drug to determine which would produce results.
Fertility treatments continued, still nothing. I was then placed on both tablets and injectibles. The injectibles cost us almost twenty thousand Naira for the dose required for a month. Somehow Allaah provided. Injections done, hope rose again. ﾓI Am Pregnant... ? I couldnt believe it the following month when I was late. One day, two daysﾅ..eleven! I was hypertensive and could hardly sleep at night. On day twelve, I ran to the doctor, we did a pregnancy test and it came out positive! Can you beat that! AIHamdulillah. We decided to take it easy from then on. On day thirteen, while coming back from work, I had some unusual pains. I decided to take a cab home instead of driving. Before getting to the cab,l felt a flush of warm fluid down my legs, along with the fluid I felt as if it was my heart breaking into little pieces and being flushed out too! I finally made it to the hospital and it was confirmed there was nothing there anymore. The frustration is terrible. Your personal anguish becomes everybodys concern, and almost all greetings turn to fertiliy prayers. You start avoiding some gatherings!
The husband plays a major part in the maintenance of your sanity. If he is Allaah-fearing, of high eemeen and cooperative, alhamdulillah, your stress is less; if not, the stress level hits the roof. Equally, in-laws and relatives may make or mar the whole situation; Alhamdulillah, I had supportive ones. Premature Menopause Or Allaah's Blessing? By the fourth year, you simply decide to live your life and not be preoccupied by the childlessness. I decided to know more about Islam; all the better it had a comforting effect. This particular verse helped me to live with the reality of my infertility and face the real purpose of my creation, which is to worship Allaah. Allaah says, "To Allaah belongs the dominion of heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows (children) male and female accordingto His will or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He wills (Q42[Ash-Shura]:49-50). I realized that Allaah in His infinite mercy has willed that some people will have children and some will not. Simple! I remembered that even the Prophet's wife, Aisha (RA) never had children, not to talk of me. I then devoted my energies towards being a better Muslim. So, it continued, and then one day in my fourth year l was late! I actually thought I had premature menopause! You reach a, point of being too tired of having dashed hopes that you are skeptical of any ray of hope. And just like that I got a gift from Allaah. Kareemah! Alhamdulillah, another [a son) has since been added to that first gift. I realize some cases might not be so straightforward and some may be moree
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited