Building Your Self-Confidence
Self- confidence is an acquired characteristic that every Muslim should seek to have. But first of all, there is need to differentiate between self-confidence and arrogance. Self-confidence means being aware of what Allaah has given you of good characteristics and striving accordingly to attain that which will benefit you. If you misuse it you will be filled with arrogance and self admiration, which are two destructive attributes. If you deny those blessings that have been given to you and the good characteristics that Allaah has blessed you with, you will become lazy and apathetic; you will let yourself down and lose the blessings that Allaah has given you.
Allaah says: "Indeed he succeeds who purifies his own self (i.e. obeys and performs all that Allaah ordered, by following the true Faith of Islamic Monotheism and by doing righteous good deeds). And indeed he fails who corrupts his own self (i.e. disobeys what Allaah has ordered by rejecting the true Faith of Islamic Monotheism or by following polytheism, or by doing every kind of evil wicked deeds)" [Q 91 :9-10].
It is important to point out that being a self confident Muslim does not mean that he does not need the help of his Lord. And it does not mean that he does not need his brothers and people in general to advise him and help him. This is what the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) asked his Lord for, which was: not to be left to himself (or to his own devices), not even for the blink of an eye! Abu Bakrah narrated: The Messenger of Allaah ( blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: "The supplication of the one who is in distress: O Allaah, for Your mercy I hope, so do not abandon me to myself even for the blink of an eye. Set all my affairs straight, there is no god but You."[Saheeh Abi Dawood.J These words are to be said morning and evening.
Shaykh al-Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: What is the ruling on saying "So and so has self confidence" and the like? Is this contrary to the duaa narrated in the hadeeth, "do not abandon me to myself even for the blink of an eye"? He replied: There is nothing wrong with that, because what is meant by saying that somebody is self-confident is that he is certain about something and is sure of it. There is no doubt that things may sometimes be attributed to a person on the basis of certainty, and sometimes on the basis of probability, and sometimes on the basis of doubt, and sometimes on the basis of what is most likely to be the case.
If he says, for example, "I am certain about that" or "I am certain of myself or "So and so is certain of himself or "he is certain about what he is saying", what is meant is that he is confident about it. There is nothing wrong with that and it is not contrary to the well-known duaa, "do not abandon me to myself even for the blink of an eye," because the person may be certain of himself by the help of Allaah, based on what Allaah has given him of knowledge, ability and so on. [Fataawa Islamiyyah]
Some of the things which we think will increase the Muslims self-confidence are:
1. Putting his trust in his Lord, depending upon Him and seeking support and help from Him: The Muslim cannot do without his Lord, may He be exalted. As we mentioned above, self confidence is an acquired characteristic, and the Muslim needs help and support from his Lord. The more he puts his trust in his Lord, the greater his self-confidence will grow and reach the highest level. When Moosa [peace be upon him] and his people fled from Pharaoh and his troops, and the two sides saw one another, we see the trust that Moosa [peace be upon him] had in his Lord. Allaah says: "And when the two hosts saw each other, the companions of Moosa (Moses) said: We are sure to be overtaken. [Moosa (Moses)] said: Nay, verily, with me is my Lord. He will guide me" [Q 26:61, 62].
2. Finding out what his strong points are and increasing them; what he does well and developing it; and what his weak points are and trying to deal with them. In order to develop self-confidence it is essential to look with gratitude at what Allaah has given you of skills and characteristics, so that this will motivate you to strengthen your self confidence. With regard to your weak points, you have to try to deal with them and develop them so that they reach the same level as your other, good skills and characteristics.
3. Dont defeat or curse yourself It is very important for the Muslim who is seeking ways of increasing his self confidence not to repeat negative words, such as saying that he has no self confidence or that he will never succeed at work. Abu Musa [RA] narrated; Allaahs Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said, "The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmiths bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either bum your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell thereof." [Bukhari]
4. Set specific goals for yourself The Muslim has to set specific goals for his life and check on the outcome time after time, because the person who is self-confident will make sure that his goal is achieved on the basis of good planning and with the help of his Lord. Self confidence soars when you know you can do what you put your mind to. It makes you feel unstoppable. Likewise, achieve mastery. Mastery experiences are those in which you know you have worked hard and put in great effort to achieve success.
5. Seek righteous companions The Muslim should seek righteous companions, because that will give him a motive to succeed and encourage him to make greater efforts. The righteous companions will not overlook their friends weak points; rather they will guide him to follow the better path. Thus good companions are one of the factors of success for the confident Muslim.
6. Dont dwell on past failures He should not be distracted by previous difficult experiences and past failures, because that will spoil his efforts and make him look down on what he has achieved of success. This is not something that the Muslim wants for himself.
7. Give it Your Best. When you do the best you can, with the best of what youve got, you cant help but feel good about yourself and that confidence comes through in everything that you do. Giving it your best makes you unafraid to take risks or step out of your comfort zone.
8. Persevere. Everybody have setbacks and obstacles to contend with. Dont let them undermine your confidence. Treat them as opportunities to strengthen your resolve and then persevere.
9.Accomplish something. Set goals for yourself and then push yourself to reach them.
10. Take on your fears. Theres nothing that destroys self confidence more than succumbing to fear. Everyone feels fear at various times; were human, however facing circumstances with courage and poise strengthens character and builds self-confidence. Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said, "A strong believer is better and dearer to Allah than a weak believer, and there is good in everyone, but cherish what gives you benefit in the Hereafter and seek help from Allaah and do not lose heart, and if anything (in the form of trouble) comes to you, dont say, If I had not done that, such and such thing would not have happened, but say, Allaah has ordained it so, and whatever He pleases He does, because ifs and buts open the door for Shaytan. "(Muslim)
11. Take good care of yourself. When you are fit, in good health, and make a point of looking your best, you cant help but feel confident. This is different, of course, from comparing your looks to others. Its about being comfortable with yourself. Everyone looks good when they are in good shape, well groomed, and healthy. You cant help but have a glow about you when you take good care of yourself. This should not be confused with pride.
Narrated Abdullah ibn Masud; The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) observed: "He who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride shall not enter Paradise." A person (amongst his hearers) said: "Verily a person loves that his dress should be fine, and his shoes should be fine. He (the. Prophet) remarked: Verily, Allaah is Graceful and He loves Grace. Pride is disdaining the truth (out of self-conceit) and contempt for the people." [Muslim]
Give yourself a lift: It is natural that we all have our down moments, moments of doubt, confusion and uncertainty. When that happens, we must learn how to restore self-confidence. One way is to understand that everyone goes through such moments. Another is to remember past successes, visualize the desired outcome, and keep at it! Practice makes perfect. Self-confidence is absolutely essential to achieving success in any endeavour. You acquire it by doing, learning, accomplishing, and persisting. And Allaah knows best.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited